What Kind of Mother Am I?

I’m not a Martha Stewart mom
Or a fancy shmancy mom
I’m just that 70’s average mom

The mom who doesn’t mind giving chocolate tidbits for breakfast
And chips and cookies for snacks.
The mom who tries to give that perfectly balanced meal but gives up when her child spits out veggies by default therefore prevents power struggles by feeding her child whatever she’ll happily eat, mom.

The mom who teaches her babies to sleep in so that she’s not so tired to endure the day, mom.

And when they’re not tired will extend bedtime to avoid the screaming and hassle, mom.
The mom who doesn’t oppose to watching cartoons unless it’s her turn to watch
But will make time to get down on the floor to play whatever they want to play, sometimes.

The mom who’s proud to bring the kids out

But used to get moustache sweats when bringing out her first child
But now the mom who is organized in getting child 1 and 2 out the door.
The mom who’s so proud of an outing gone smooth
But can also let the little things that go wrong consume her, mom.

The mom who cringes if you’re unfamiliar and try to touch her kids, paranoid mom.

The mom who will keep her sick kids away from yours
And will be so tense if you don’t do the same cuz it hurts her heart so bad when hers are not well.

I’m the mom who smothers with kisses and hugs until I’m ignored and that won’t matter cuz I’ll force it.

The mom who will scream if you don’t listen after the third time
The mom who will scream from the top of her lungs once her cup is full
But will feel so guilty immediately after and then will hold you tight apologizing profusely
The mom who also runs out of patience pretty fast but can quickly switch to understanding mom, sometimes.

I’m a mom who appreciates every little development and growth

And feels so accomplished when milestones are met in their own way and not when everyone else expects
The mom who gets overwhelmed when other moms think that they know best for her own children
But in the end the mom who knows what’s best for her children but not afraid to ask for help.

The mom who wants to be a stay at home mom, as well as smart mom

or a hot mama and not the frumpy mom
But most days look like just an average mom.

But I’m that mom who is confident as a great nurturer and teacher

The one who trusts her gut that she’s doing the right thing

And when she’s not will aim to do the right thing next time
I know I’m that perfect mom when my child randomly puts her arm around me and says, “I wuv you so much”.

Is it Time to Jump Ship Again?

I've done it before and I think I'll do it again...I should do it again...I want to say that I will do it again!
Within the last 15 years, I've managed to leave jobs once 'my cup was full', knowing that I would find something bigger and better; something more enriching to my life. I was a dreamer, and I did follow my dreams until a few years ago.
My first real job after graduating University was assembling instruction manuals from various documentation for electrical components. I quit to become a technical writer then landed a job with a software company. It was all good until 9/11 happened, when I realized that I needed something more because if the world were to end, how would I feel like I've contributed? Definitely not by writing another software manual!
Long story short, jumped ship again to begin another journey. This is where I started journaling to figure out my inner dialogue. There was a pattern; a negative pattern of hating work, the 9-5, the rules, the status quo! This is when I figured out that my work needs to be something that I love and working to help people...not machines! I learned that my passions, interests, and skills have to be integrated for me to be happy and satisfied.
I love language, kids, writing, and teaching but I'm an extreme introvert. What the heck was I supposed to do? I challenged myself to do things out of the box that I would never do, ie. public speaking, writers and editors breakfast meetings, seeking out previous professors. I networked like crazy and it was empowering because it all lead to my current profession as a communicative disorders assistant.
My job is to educate, play, read, draw, glue crafts all day but now I have kids and a family of my own. It was a perfect job helping kids communicate and develop language in a one on one or small group setting. I want to be home with my kids; which is a job on its own. I think it's that time again...I used to love what I do but now I semi-like it. I would feel guilty rounding up the energy to work and play with clients, and then not have any energy or time to play with my own kids when I get home. It's time to jump ship.
I had a plan to work with children to get the experience in a non stressful way, then I wanted to write children's books. And in between I wanted to be a freelance writer. This ship has yet to sail.

Jumpin' Jack Splash Makes Waves

Today was the first day of 'school' for my daughter. I call it 'school' but it's really a Parks and Rec program called Jumping Jack Splash for parents and toddlers. I want to prepare her by starting off nice and easy because when junior kindergarten starts next year, she'll think it's all gym time and swim time!

You see, she's really shy, like really really shy. So shy that it's seems like selective mutism because when others focus on her, it seems she gets anxious and shuts down. You won't hear a peep out of her or see any expression on her face unless she is:

1. Really familiar with you
2. Not the centre of attention
3. Not being talked about
4. Not being asked a lot of questions or sometimes any question
5. Not feeling pressured

This is where Jumping Jack Splash saves the day! The program consists of playtime in the gym with unstructured play on slides, a balance beam, a tunnel, shooting hoops, and ball play. Then semi-structured circle time with interactive children's songs. The second half of the class is free-play in the swimming pool, her favourite part! She can't stop talking about it! With having failed several attempts to get her to swim, there she was happily and willingly on a floaty board doing the front and back stroke with daddy's help.

This class was perfect for her because there was no pressure to participate therefore she did. The instructor went around to simply encourage the children to play and to get to know them. I liked how it was important for the children to be comfortable in their own skin rather than be told how to use the equipment properly or be forced to follow instructions. It is a perfect ice breaker to experience before the pressures of a structured setting...a.k.a. school.

There were other parents who were busy focusing on their children so she played, laughed, participated well, and was even the leader in Follow the Leader with minimal warm-up or coaxing. This helped her peel at least a half layer of her concrete shell, which is a lot to say about her enthusiasm for this class. If you're a parent or teacher with a child who experiences similar characteristics, or seems shy to extremely shy, I would recommend a program similar to this as it may help build confidence and perhaps alleviate anxiousness towards groups or unfamiliar settings.

With experience working in the speech and language world, I've learned when working with children who are reluctant to communicate, it only makes it worse when you try to elicit their speech. I believe, and my daughter has proved to me, that it is not the speech and language that is the problem but rather the emotional and behavioural aspect of perhaps feeling pressured or embarrassed to speak or to perform in front of people that enables this anxiety in children. I'm going to adopt the principle of this Jumping Jack Splash so that she can feel comfortable around others and continue to peel off the layers of her shell and be her true funny happy active self for the world to know.

All night she told stories about her fun-filled day to her baby brother, or by re-enacting the gymboree with use of kitchen towels and chairs (her imagination was running wild!). Even hubby who tagged team with me throughout the class was impressed and eager to go back. It was a definite time for bonding as a family which I'm cherishing so much. How very priceless as she says, "I wanna go to koowa (school)!", words I never thought I would hear her say!

How Not to Forget My Toddler

Bad Mommy, bad mommy, I tell myself as I see my two and a half year old daughter scowling her face under the kitchen table taking my wallet apart.

Before I start yelling and stomping over to her, I quickly realize that I can't be mad because it's all my fault for being too directive and patronizing in my tone that afternoon, especially to a toddler who is now having to share mommy and daddy's attention because of her baby brother.

With the free time I had to spare while baby was sleeping, I chose to organize the closet, clean the bathrooms, and when I was done I got on the computer. Now that I look back, the whole time my daughter tried to get involved because she was interested in what I was doing, and there I was shooing her away! Bad mommy, bad mommy!

Once I realized that she was intelligently trying to get my attention, I quickly switched my demeanor but still stomped towards under the table and yelled with a smirk, "I'm gonna get you!". I got down to her level, gave her a points card to keep, smushed up my face towards hers, and received the nose to nose kiss from a now happy little girl who got what she wanted; mommy's undivided attention.

My wallet was saved and so was the moment as I remembered the fundamentals of parenting:

• Get down to her level
• Interact in a fun way, see what happens when I follow her lead
• Let the interactions be equal by letting her be heard
• Our interactions don't always have to be directive, she can be included even if it's for a few minutes

It felt nice to be in the moment, and to not forget that my children are here to learn from me. I am their number one teacher, so I must be on my best behaviour like a good mommy.

Let me introduce myself

It is the year 2012, January 04. It's the beginning of a new year...my new year...so here I am. It's been a long time coming. So many ideas, realizations, tribulations, brainstorming, and goofing around; all written in a little black book for years. If you're interested, you're welcome to read.

I'm a mother of a quiet yet feisty 2 year old girl and a chilled out 2 month old boy. My journaling started well before marriage and kids, and ended well....right before marriage and kids. I used to vent in a little black book about anything that came to mind from lyrics, reviews, mementos, language, and so on.

I've been on a journey to find my true calling while coping with my short attention span and the need for simplicity. From Technical Writing, to English tutoring, to teaching English in South Korea, to doing speech and language therapy for kids with special needs. I'm still looking for a little something more.

Ten years later, and I'm on this road again; re-evaluating who I am and what I mean to this world. This time I'm a wife, a mother...somewhat older and wiser. I want to look like how I did 10 years ago but in mommy mode, and to have that ambitious drive that I used to. No more excuses, it's time. This feels right, this feels closer to Me.